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I STILL LOVE HIM THE WAY I USED TO LOVE HIM OR ITS JUST A COMPROMISE ???

Hi frnds,
sory i will not enclose d real name of anyone.. m frm india(west bengal) only and m 20 year old gal i lives in UAE with m family. m under graduate
well , lets cum to the point...mai ek larke se (ritesh) be him ritesh. distance relationship mai thi 4 years se hum mere cusn di k cusn bro k thru mile the :) m 6 year younger than my bf & he is my first love he was the only one guy in my life before i meet ahammed( let him b ahammed).sab kuch thik chal ra tha untill i found out he cheated on me. On ( 21jan 2012) at that time i was in india only having my vacation.. ajj mere ritesh k sath 5 th date tha relation k baad i was so happy n excited also .2 saal baad milne ja rahi thi. :)27 th ko muje wapis hona tha wo 7 days mai uske sath bitana chati thi uska homtown mere waha se 34 km dur pe hai ajj around 10am ko wo muje pick karne pohoch gaya tha ..:))) mai bhut khush thi 2 saal baad mil rahi thi phir hum waha se nikal gaye batein karte karte 5,6 hours mai hum pohach gaye the phir dono rest kiya than saam ko shopping pe gaye n dinner kar ke wapis agaya gar pe..uska 1 bhut bure adat hai wo cigrate ka addicted hai :( Ritesh cigrate lene bahir chala gaya he left hsis mobile ..muje uska moblie dekne ka maan hua not bcos i dot trust on him jus felt like checking its was switched off mai on kiya i was shocked n of course hurt i caught hell of msgs on his mobile ..ush mai se ek larki thi priyanka ( be her priyanka)mai ushe call kiya mere number se aur ritesh k bare mai bhut kuch janne ko mila jo mai digest nahi kar pa rahi thi..ritesh uske sath 2 saal se relationship mai hai ( that mean muje 2 saal se bewakuf banaya ja raha tha :( )mai wo larki se batein karti rahi untill he came bck bichari achi thi mai kuch b nahi boli.. wo wapis agaya mai ro rahi thi .. wo moblie uthaya kuch b nahi pucha mai b kuch nahi boli wo samaj gaya kya hua hai... aur he tried to make me convince ..par mai bhut hurt ho gayi thi..uske batein its going out of my head ..muje ushe dekti bhi irritation ho raha tha ..bole ja tha priyanka se kuch b nahi hai uska bash frnds k wajh se hogaya mazak mzak mai..bla bla bla..mai ushi time waha se nikal jani chati thi par wo forcefully meko rok liya! raat ba r roti rahi mai b wo b convince karne ko try karta raha par mai ek na suni..mere biswas tut gaya tha ushse :( subha ho gaya mai ushi din ka saam ka 11 ka ticket mil gaya and mai chali ayi ushi din usko chod ke ..par mai yaha bhi bhut disturb rehne lagi college nahi gayi 1 week tak sick leave leke beth gayi gar pe puch ne laga kya hua hai ritesh k sath jagara hua ?? mai kisi ko kuch nahi bol pa rahi thi ..mai mind divert karne k liye ek job pe apply ki mil b gaya within 5 days mai join b karli pir b kuch acha nahi lag raha tha kuch b.. :( ushka phn calls atta tha roz msgs ..he begged me ki accept him back into my life .. gar par phn karne laga .mai thora nomal hone lagi phir hum dono sath mai ho gaye par i can,t trust him tat much yet bcos he was for in i cant see if he cheating again.....aise hi relation chalta rha par pehle jaise kuch b nahi tha..ohhh god!!!! phir 1 twist agaya mere life mai jisne mere life change kardi uska name ahamed tha wo muslim family se tha .. hum dono mai frndship ho gaya thore hi time pe we become very gud frnds .. hum lagatar milne lage batein karne lage mai ushe sab kuch share karne lagi thi aur wo b mujse uska gf tha india se par wahi religion k wajh se gal k family ne accept nahi kiya dono ka realtion ko ..ahamed bhut jolly n honest type ka ladka tha wo b mujse 9 year bada tha ..kabi kabi na mai ushke sath hoti thi toh ritesh ka calls n msgs atta tha wo meko tease karta tha :) aise hi din bit ra tha pata nahi kyo mai possessive ho ne lagi xpectation rakne lagi.. uska fb n messenger par bhut jyada ladkiya frns thi wo chat karta tha mere samne muje kuch acha nahi lagta tha aur ishi baad se i fought wit him many times wo bolta tha wo sab online frnds hai bash chat karta hai .. mai ushe passwrd mangli ..wo saaff mana kardiya dene se mai aur b gussa ho gayi (hehe) phir dediya:))muje kabi kabi lagta tha ki mai ahamed se attaracted ho rahi hu ..phir mai ahamed ko bula ke samjaya ki mai sayad tujse attracted ho rahi hu ishse pehle mai hum dono ka frndship mess ho jaye we should ! brk up.. aur phir mere bf bhi hai ritesh jaise b hai wo muje bhut trust karta hai mai uska yeh trust lose nahi karna chati hu.. wo samaj gaya hum dono disconect ho gaya .. par yeh sab temporary tha..hum phir contac mai agaye pehle jaise milne lage.. on 6th march dono ka off tha coleg b office b toh dono ne dinner ka plan banaya hum mile wapis gar ane k time weather bhut karab tha bahir sand tha bhut toh dono thore der car pe hi beth k batein karte rahi.. unexpectedly he started playing with my hair ,lips n chicks ..n he hugd me ..hum kiss karne lage ,phisically intimate hogaye and i made a huge mistake.i had sex with him..mai bhut royi gar ake i feel guilt n ashamed of my self ..tab se mai ahamed ko ignore karne lagi uska phn calls n msgs even i started ignoring my bf .. its happend 1 month ago abhi mai n ahamed contac mai nahi hai mai fb messengr b deact kardi n number b change kardi .. mai frnd b lose kiya n love b .. mai akeli ho gayi hu.. mai ahamed ko abhi b miss karti hu mai 17/5/2012 ko ushko internet number se call ki n kuch bole bagar ushe sunti rahi... i wnt to b wit ahamed ..kya mai ahamed ko pyar karti hu ???? aur ritesh k sath srif compromise kar rahi hu or cheat kar rahi hu ??????????m dying inside..plsssss i need help wot should i do now??????







2 comments:

Roshan said...

Kya kahun kuch samajh nahi araha hai... Ye ek Iteefak hai... Iteefak se mile... Or ye anjane me galati ho gaya tumese Ahmed ke sath phy relation rakhe, but tum bhi Ahmed ko chahte the isliye ye sb ho gaya, but Ritesh ka kya kasoor hai han uska gf tha par sayad unki brekuf ho gayi thi sirf bo dono frnd the par ab to bo tumhe pyar karta hai na. mujhe lagta hai Ahmed iz nt gud for u. And u r nt gud for Ritesh. Tum ritesh ko dhoka diya bo janke ho ya anjanke ho...
Sory yar, Tum Achhe nahi ho... U r a bewafa cheatlove.
Pata nahi mera feelings esa kehta hah...

wafa said...

i cant say any thing just ke muhabat pak hoti hai jis main yeh sub nahi hota yeh hawas thi and nothing more

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